"You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." (Psalm 56:8)
"Mommy, I'm crying," she says, looking up at me with blue eyes sparkling with tears. I set her on my lap, rock her back and forth and whisper assurances into her ear. After a few minutes she pulls back and looks at me. "Here, Mommy," she says, tiny fingers wiping the tears from her cheeks and putting them on mine," you can have my tears."
We go back to playing: Little People, painting, ring around the rosy, reading, taking Little Baby on many more adventures. We are busy girls with things to do! The tears dry on my face, but I don't forget they are there. It's not until the end of the day that I have space to really consider what she said. When I do, I am again humbled by this role given me in her little life. I can have her tears? I can wear her tears?
I'm certainly no stranger to tears-I cry during Hallmark commercials, for heaven's sake! I've cried over things that matter and things that don't matter. Always I have had a place to take my tears; someone I can say, "Here, You can have my tears." Like Hagar in the desert naming God because He has been so faithful and she didn't really expect Him to be, naming Him "The God who sees me", I name my God who has been so faithful and held me through the many seasons of life. I name Him "the God who wears my tears".
"My parents are divorcing and my world is ending and I don't know how to live in THIS!"
He holds my tears.
"I didn't think marriage could be so hard and how can you love someone and still be frustrated by them and what does this mean?! Am I the worst wife ever??!"
He holds my tears.
"Please don't ask me to move. Please don't ask me to leave my home and my plans and my family and friends and this community of people I love...please don't ask it of me."
He holds my tears.
"I have no idea how to be the mother of a two year old-none! Am I the worst mother ever?! Help!!!"
He holds my tears.
" I don't know what You're doing- I trust You, but have no idea what You are doing and what part I'm supposed to play."
He holds my tears.
He holds my tears; He wears my tears. He has taken so much of me onto Himself- my fears, pain, questions, anger and amazingly my sin. He has taken it on because of love and that's what perfect love does. He holds me in His arms, whispers assurances in my ear and takes my tears. Then we get back to the business of life, because this IS life. There are days when things are good and there are days when things are bad. Hormones, circumstances, weather, finances...life happens and I'm not going to be happy all the time; my daughter won't be happy all the time; this little life kicking and stretching and growing inside me won't be happy all the time. When these children are grown and find themselves crying and I'm not there to hold them and love on them, I want them to know they have a place to go; a place where they are loved no matter what; a place where their tears matter. They can go to the feet of a holy God- it's a place none of us have any right to be other than the fact that we've been invited and Someone has torn the veil by wearing our humanity- and He will take their tears, hold them and be faithful. I want them to know the God who wears our tears.
