His Abundant Goodness

"One generation will commend Your works to another;
they will tell of Your mighty acts...
They will celebrate Your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of Your righteousness."
(Psalm 145:4,7)

We are sitting at the breakfast table.  The girls are eating peanut butter toast and pears, their cheeks covered in the sticky peanut butter.  The topic of the morning?  Jehovah Jirah.  God, my provider. 

It's this verse we are talking about with sticky fingers:

"My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory."

(Phillipians 4:19 NIV)

The Message says it like this:

"You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, HIs generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours out from Jesus."

So, it's wants vs. needs that we are talking about this fine morning.  

 

My three year old says, "I needed a Minnie Mouse dress and God gave me that!"

I have to smile.  In the world of my three year old, anything Minnie Mouse is considered a need.  My six year old says, "No! Food, water, love.  These are needs.  Minnie Mouse is a want.  Mommy, tell me about a time when God provided for your needs."

She knows these stories.  I have told them to her every time we talk about gratitude. 

Spokane. 

This is where I learned the true difference between wants vs. needs. 

Our first Christmas there was our first Christmas with Annie.

We had no money for gifts; we were still recovering from Yakima. 

Yakima did us in, in more ways than one.

I gave Scott a box of Cocoa Pebbles.  That was it.

We got very creative with the rest of our gifts that year, but did nothing for Annie.  We let the grandparents do their thing and she was perfectly happy.

My mama heart struggled with that one.

It wasn't the way I imagined our first Christmas with our baby girl, but that's one way God was working contentment out in me.

Spokane.

There was NO ROOM in our budget for wants. 

No room for trips to Gymboree;  consignment store all the way if the girls needed something.

No room for Target, ice cream, new underwear or shoes. 

We made do with what we had and were so very happy.  It sounds crazy, but the simplicity that led us to gratitude was really beautiful. 

Except for that one winter. 

I was pregnant with Margi and Annie was three years old.  Her feet had grown straight out of her shoes, but there was literally no work and our paycheck just covered rent, heat and those necessary bills.  There was nothing left for groceries, let alone new shoes. 

I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, begging God to make some space.  Swallowing any pride that was left, I texted the grandparents about the shoe situation.  Didn't bring up groceries.

That week three pairs of shoes appeared. 

"My God shall supply all your needs."

I went to worship practice that day with a heart wrestling between fear and trust.

"God, I want to trust you with my needs...but it's not just MY needs, here.  It's the needs of little people!! I'm so frightened and don't know what to do or how to trust you.  Help. Please?"

When I arrived, my worship pastor handed me an envelope.

"Somebody left this for you in my box," he said.

I opened it to find enough money to cover our grocery bill that month.

"Who left this?!" 

I couldn't even believe it.  This happened in books, not to me!

He didn't know.  It had been left without a note or anything. 

This is the body of Christ.  I have been honored to be on the receiving end of people being His hands, feet and heart and it always reduces me to tears. 

"My God shall supply all your needs."...

                                                                        ...and maybe some wants?

Right after Margi was born, we were discussing gratitude in my Bible study group.

I started sharing about my struggle with contentment.

Sharing about how I am so grateful to have clean water to make morning tea.

But once in a while I couldn't help just WANTING a pair of Uggs.

Everywhere I went I saw all these cute, trendy moms in their cute, trendy jeans wearing their cute, trendy haircuts and cute, trendy Uggs.

I wanted to be cute and trendy.  Didn't NEED to, but really, REALLY wanted to.

I shared that God was working contentment out in me, and every time I thought I was making progress I would see those stupid Uggs and realize I had a long way to go.

The next week, there were Ugg boxes on the table for each new mom in our Bible study. 

There were gift cards in each one with enough money to go get the Ugg boots.

I struggled spending that money on ONE PAIR OF BOOTS!  As mentioned above, Scott and I were living in the land of needs.  Wants weren't even really on our radar.

But I did it.

And LOVED it!

Still wear those boots and every time I wear them am reminded of God's "abundant goodness."

I have many stories of God providing:

other moms sharing clothes their girls had outgrown so I didn't have to buy any;

friends cleaning out their closet and giving me what they were done with so I could have something new;

friends sharing maternity clothes and baby paraphernalia;

boxes in the mail with clothes and starbucks cards and encouragement;

women bringing meals and watching my girls while I had post partum depression and just couldn't function.

God has always provided for my needs.

I know that God loved me before the grocery money miracle and Ugg boot story.  He didn't have to come through in those ways or any other ways to "prove" His love. 

And now..

I cannot wrap my mind around the season we are in, now.

We bought a house, have a car with a third row, can buy groceries without panicking and Scott has a job where they actually have work for him to do and they recognize how crazy smart he is and they want to reward that.

If the girls need something, we can fit that into the budget.

We can breathe.

That is the most amazing gift God has given my family in this season. 

We can breathe.

Things are still tight because I still stay home.  We say "yes" to that and "no" to many other things.  And we are both on board with that, which is so crazy important.

I feel like Paul, who said in Phillipians 4:12-14,

"I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.  I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little.

I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry,

hands full or hands empty.

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me-it did!

It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles."

I've learned what it means to be rich in the things that matter.  And this has become my goal.  To sit every morning, being the "generation that commends Your works to another."

Teaching my girls what really matters and how to reach for that and give meaning to that, while still celebrating the glitter that comes and goes. 

In all seasons.

To look for "every good and perfect gift that comes down from above." (James 1:17)

The good gifts can all be traced back to His hands.

And they have been there in every season.

Sometimes you just have to look harder.

"The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind:
to make brand- new creation.
Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers,
men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within,
who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God,
who would enter into the center of it all,
the very heart and mystery of Christ,
into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy boldness, and extravagant, furious love.
This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian."
-Brennan Manning

I have been wondering about this, what it really means to be a Christian.
I have been embarrassed by how vocal my tribe of Christ-followers have been about certain issues and how silent we have been on others.
You would think we have forgotten, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)
The loud voices I hear are not shouting freedom, but slavery. 
I fear we are becoming slaves ourselves.
Again.

Isaiah said it so beautifully:
"You're the preacher of good news.
Raise your voice! Make it good and loud, Jerusalem.
You're the preacher of good news!
Speak loud and clear.  Don't be timid!
Tell the cities of Judah,
'Look! Your God!'
Look at Him!  God, the Master, comes in power, ready to go into action.
He is going to pay back His enemies and reward those who have loved Him.
Like a shepherd, He will care for His flock,
gathering lambs in His arms,
Hugging them as He carries them,
leading the nursing ewes to good pasture."
(Isaiah 40:9-11, MSG)

My mother-in-law, a crazy huge blessing in my life, gave me that last verse after I had my first child.  One version says, "He gently leads those who have young."
I clung to that verse the first year of motherhood because I had NO CLUE what I was doing.
Still don't, but I have learned to roll with it.
I loved that imagery of God, this great and mighty God who had gone to battle for His people, gathering them into His arms and leading them.
I still do.

I love that He carries justice and tenderness and His people.  People who have been forgiven and redeemed and who are proclaiming...?

Are we proclaiming love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control?  Our very lives should be declaring this!  My words, my steps, my responses, my dailies of life. This is the fruit of abiding with Jesus, the One this whole thing is about. My daughter read to me this morning about the very heavens declaring the glory of God-the skies displaying His handiwork. 

I don't do half as good a job as the heavens.

I'm caught up in my corner of the world.  Things like laundry and order and disciplining my kids and doing my hair and changing the sheets and getting to the grocery store and making dinner and...life.  It makes me complacent when it comes to what really matters and dulls me to the magic and the mystery of this "flame that consumes, purifies and sets everything aglow."

It dulls me to Christ in me and Christ in you and my eyes are blind and my heart is stone and my ears are deaf and I want more than anything to be alive. 
To hear and see and live and find my place by His side. 
To love you and see you and see your need and see Jesus in your need so I can love Him.
By loving you.
With "peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love."
I fail even within these walls of my home!
The needs brought to me throughout my day are just enough, thank you.
Endless band-aids, hugs, songs and words of comfort given.  Teeth brushed, meals made, fun had and at seven o'clock mama clocks out. 
Good luck if you need me after that!
Is that "extravagant, furious love"?
If you have ever met me, you probably know there is nothing "bold, extravagant or furious" about me.  Someone recently described me as "mousy"- that might be going to far (!!!), but you get the idea. 

So when presented with this possibility of being a woman who would "enter into the very center of it all"...I don't know.
Is that where freedom is? Do we have to step away from this swirling chaos or comfortable routin and step into JESUS
-His truth and purity and honesty; His simplicity -
to discover what "life abundant" is all about?
I think so.
It's what the disciples did.  
They left their nets where they dropped them. 
What do I need to drop to follow Him?
The only way for me to find Him is to seek Him. 
The only way for me to be an expression of His love to
this culture,
this space,
this moment
is to step into the very center of it all and beg to see His face.
And even if He only brushes against me, I will have lived.


Oh, God.
Meet me here. 
You made me with this set of strengths and weaknesses. 
You created this personality and set it in me with purpose. 
The desires, the struggles, the holy and the flesh-this is me. 
Your creation.
And you know me. 
You know what I was created for. 
You see me when I am fully alive and You see me weeping and wondering where the meaning is.
You hold me-
"like a shepherd, you will care for your flock,
gathering the lambs in your arms. Hugging and carrying and leading..."
How I love You.
And how I trust You.
You know my questions; my frustrations.
My hesitation to be linked with anything other than just YOU. 
You know my tendency to get lost in the mystery, the wonder, the beauty and the poetry
 and my reluctance to face the holy in the margins.
Forgive me for not seeing you.
Put a longing in me for justice, mercy and humbleness, then guide me. 
If I'm Your hands and feet and expression of love to this generation of people, show me what to do.
If I'm Your hands and feet and expression of love to this house full of people, show me what to do.
I want to do this well.
I want to hear you say, "Well done, little one."
I want to get to You with all my love spent,
all my hope given,
my hands open in generousity and
my heart full.
There is so much need.
And so many opinions.
And so much noise.
Quiet me with Your love. (Zeph. 3:17)
Then awaken me to You.
Daily.