Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's November, and an amazingly beautiful one at that. Today as I took my walk I was thrilled by all the colors of my surroundings: bright, vivid reds; glorious oranges; cheerful and unstoppable golds. Everything seemed to shout in full voice, "There is a God!" Dare I admit that I stopped under a red tree and exclaimed that very thing? Yes, I dare!
I love the fact that we set aside a whole month of the year to focus on thankfulness, but I read this in Daniel and it truly made me rethink Thanksgiving:
Three times a day he (Daniel) got down on his knees and prayed,
giving thanks to his God,
just as he had done before."
(Daniel 6:10b)
Giving thanks was a habit- not a dull and boring habit- but a discipline. A three-times-a-day discipline. He started his day with thanks, interrupted the flow of his day with thanks and tied together the loose ends of the day with thanks. A habit that forces one to focus on the good things that a good God has placed in our everyday moments. Everyday moments...
Some days are beautiful, filled to the brim with joy and you can't stop the overflow of your heart from just bursting out of you with shouts of thanksgiving. Some days are normal days, nothing extraordinary, just your basic day. And other days...well, those days are hard. And scary. And sad and depressing and stressful and they try to steal your joy and your sanity and it's all you can do to just get dressed and out of bed and not snap at everything and everybody in sight. I have been there and had more than my fair share of days like that.
"I will sacrifice a thank offering to You
and call on the name of the Lord." (Psalm 116:17)
A "sacrifice of a thank offering." I love that visual. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the drama of what is not right with my world. Someone who is supposed to love me has hurt me deeply, and continues to do so with the absence of actions or words. I focus on that until my heart is twisted in pain and my bones hurt and my mind goes over it again and again. What can I give thanks for here? "Thank You, Lord, for ALL the people who do love on me, who are consistently there and solid and do respond with love. Thank You for the memories I have with this person and for the fact that I believe You can breathe life into lifeless things. Thank You for being that kind of God. For being a Father to the fatherless and the Restorer of wasted years. For "rebuilding ancient ruins and restoring places long devastated." (Isaiah 61:4) Thank You for the promise of a place where there will be no more pain, no more tears. For being my Abba."
Thus the sacrifice. To get the focus off myself and the "depths of despair" and the situation and shift that focus to my Solution, my only Hope. Somehow just letting that praise fall from my lips makes Him seem bigger. When my parents divorced I was...there are no words for what I was. "Small" is the closest thing I can come up with. Broken, hopeless, ruined, spinning, lost...these also come to mind. My mom gave me a giant Rubbermaid tote filled with pictures of our family life together. Their wedding pictures, my baby pictures- snapshots of a world I loved and depended on, gone with one decision. I had no clue what to do with all those pictures. Looking at them shredded me. So they sat. In that green Rubbermaid tote. We moved it from one place to another to another until finally I felt the urge to open that tote and put those pictures into a scrapbook; pretend it was somebody else's life. It was fantastic therapy. When I reached the end of putting that book together, I was able to see it as a celebration of what was. Able to celebrate that I had a wonderful, loving home that was fun and solid and warm and my parents had loved me and we had played and laughed and cried and LIVED together. What a blessing! Putting that book together was not easy, but the payoff was truth- and the truth will always set you free from something. A "sacrifice of thanksgiving" that led to a true confession of thanks. And a bit of freedom in the process. So here I go. Leaping into this sixth month of motherhood determined to pass this habit, this discipline of thanksgiving three times a day to my daughter. So that she will grow up focusing on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy." (Phillipians 4:8) "Think about such things!!!" Pay attention, O my soul!
I love the fact that we set aside a whole month of the year to focus on thankfulness, but I read this in Daniel and it truly made me rethink Thanksgiving:
Three times a day he (Daniel) got down on his knees and prayed,
giving thanks to his God,
just as he had done before."
(Daniel 6:10b)
Giving thanks was a habit- not a dull and boring habit- but a discipline. A three-times-a-day discipline. He started his day with thanks, interrupted the flow of his day with thanks and tied together the loose ends of the day with thanks. A habit that forces one to focus on the good things that a good God has placed in our everyday moments. Everyday moments...
Some days are beautiful, filled to the brim with joy and you can't stop the overflow of your heart from just bursting out of you with shouts of thanksgiving. Some days are normal days, nothing extraordinary, just your basic day. And other days...well, those days are hard. And scary. And sad and depressing and stressful and they try to steal your joy and your sanity and it's all you can do to just get dressed and out of bed and not snap at everything and everybody in sight. I have been there and had more than my fair share of days like that.
"I will sacrifice a thank offering to You
and call on the name of the Lord." (Psalm 116:17)
A "sacrifice of a thank offering." I love that visual. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the drama of what is not right with my world. Someone who is supposed to love me has hurt me deeply, and continues to do so with the absence of actions or words. I focus on that until my heart is twisted in pain and my bones hurt and my mind goes over it again and again. What can I give thanks for here? "Thank You, Lord, for ALL the people who do love on me, who are consistently there and solid and do respond with love. Thank You for the memories I have with this person and for the fact that I believe You can breathe life into lifeless things. Thank You for being that kind of God. For being a Father to the fatherless and the Restorer of wasted years. For "rebuilding ancient ruins and restoring places long devastated." (Isaiah 61:4) Thank You for the promise of a place where there will be no more pain, no more tears. For being my Abba."
Thus the sacrifice. To get the focus off myself and the "depths of despair" and the situation and shift that focus to my Solution, my only Hope. Somehow just letting that praise fall from my lips makes Him seem bigger. When my parents divorced I was...there are no words for what I was. "Small" is the closest thing I can come up with. Broken, hopeless, ruined, spinning, lost...these also come to mind. My mom gave me a giant Rubbermaid tote filled with pictures of our family life together. Their wedding pictures, my baby pictures- snapshots of a world I loved and depended on, gone with one decision. I had no clue what to do with all those pictures. Looking at them shredded me. So they sat. In that green Rubbermaid tote. We moved it from one place to another to another until finally I felt the urge to open that tote and put those pictures into a scrapbook; pretend it was somebody else's life. It was fantastic therapy. When I reached the end of putting that book together, I was able to see it as a celebration of what was. Able to celebrate that I had a wonderful, loving home that was fun and solid and warm and my parents had loved me and we had played and laughed and cried and LIVED together. What a blessing! Putting that book together was not easy, but the payoff was truth- and the truth will always set you free from something. A "sacrifice of thanksgiving" that led to a true confession of thanks. And a bit of freedom in the process. So here I go. Leaping into this sixth month of motherhood determined to pass this habit, this discipline of thanksgiving three times a day to my daughter. So that she will grow up focusing on "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy." (Phillipians 4:8) "Think about such things!!!" Pay attention, O my soul!
Monday, November 1, 2010
manna from heaven
A few weeks ago I went with my MOPS group to the pumpkin patch. There were apples for tasting, pumpkins for picking, sheep for petting and the day was bathed in that glorious fall sunshine. I noticed a sign posted near the petting zoo that had random facts about sheep; it literally stopped me in my tracks.
"If a sheep falls onto it's back, it cannot get back on it's feet without help."
The more I learn about sheep, the more obvious it becomes to me why Christ was constantly comparing us to them! We need each other. Period. We were created for relationship- with God, with each other...relationship.
I have missed my comfortable, known relationships and have been slowly building new ones. It's awkward and uncomfortable and strange. Thankfully, my feet feel a bit more grounded since they have found a place to call home, but I still feel like I'm stumbling around unknown territory. Last week I was feeling especially discouraged in this arena. And I wallowed a bit. (Do I really need to confess to that?) And God was pretty direct with me, which is not our normal dynamic. Usually He is very gentle, but I think He knew I needed a kick.
He kicked me when I was reading in Exodus. The children of Israel have just been delivered from Egypt, something they prayed for, dreamed of, were anticipating with great joy. God brought them out with amazing flourishes of His majesty: the plagues in Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea...is there anything that could top the parting of the Red Sea? They actually got to hear His voice and watch Him display His glory at Mt. Sinai. But still...they are disappointed that He didn't take them to the Promised Land the way they had expected Him to. It was taking too long. I can relate.
And as I was relating (and possibley even wallowing), I felt God asking me to name ways He has provided for me. And be specific, please.
"You brought a job for my husband when he wasn't even looking, but we really needed some help. And not just "a job", but a job he loves and comes home happy from with plenty of energy left to love on both me and Annie."
manna from heaven
"You provided a home for us to live in rent free with friendly, albeit old-people, neighbors until we found a place to really call home."
manna from heaven
"Our house sold very, very quickly when even our realtor told us not to expect much."
manna from heaven
"I get to stay home and be a mommy, something I have wanted to do since I was five years old. And it is everything I dreamed of and much, much more."
manna from heaven
"I have walks on Wednesday with girls I am starting to think of as friends, who I love and whose children I love and I look forward to Wednesdays and the conversations and the company."
manna from heaven
"A beautiful home, in the neighborhood I wanted, within walking distance of the library, grocery store and Starbucks!"
manna from heaven
The list continued and continued until I was in tears of gratitude to El Roi- the God who sees me. He asked me to be specific because He has been specific in providing for me.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not His benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
(Psalm 103:1-5)
"Forget not His benefits." Recognize them, celebrate them, dance with joy about them. I want to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving so that His praise is ever ready on my tongue, because He has been so good to me. Not like I expected, not like I had planned, but He is bringing me back to my feet and surrounding me with exactly what I need. And for that, I am very grateful.
"If a sheep falls onto it's back, it cannot get back on it's feet without help."
The more I learn about sheep, the more obvious it becomes to me why Christ was constantly comparing us to them! We need each other. Period. We were created for relationship- with God, with each other...relationship.
I have missed my comfortable, known relationships and have been slowly building new ones. It's awkward and uncomfortable and strange. Thankfully, my feet feel a bit more grounded since they have found a place to call home, but I still feel like I'm stumbling around unknown territory. Last week I was feeling especially discouraged in this arena. And I wallowed a bit. (Do I really need to confess to that?) And God was pretty direct with me, which is not our normal dynamic. Usually He is very gentle, but I think He knew I needed a kick.
He kicked me when I was reading in Exodus. The children of Israel have just been delivered from Egypt, something they prayed for, dreamed of, were anticipating with great joy. God brought them out with amazing flourishes of His majesty: the plagues in Egypt, the parting of the Red Sea...is there anything that could top the parting of the Red Sea? They actually got to hear His voice and watch Him display His glory at Mt. Sinai. But still...they are disappointed that He didn't take them to the Promised Land the way they had expected Him to. It was taking too long. I can relate.
And as I was relating (and possibley even wallowing), I felt God asking me to name ways He has provided for me. And be specific, please.
"You brought a job for my husband when he wasn't even looking, but we really needed some help. And not just "a job", but a job he loves and comes home happy from with plenty of energy left to love on both me and Annie."
manna from heaven
"You provided a home for us to live in rent free with friendly, albeit old-people, neighbors until we found a place to really call home."
manna from heaven
"Our house sold very, very quickly when even our realtor told us not to expect much."
manna from heaven
"I get to stay home and be a mommy, something I have wanted to do since I was five years old. And it is everything I dreamed of and much, much more."
manna from heaven
"I have walks on Wednesday with girls I am starting to think of as friends, who I love and whose children I love and I look forward to Wednesdays and the conversations and the company."
manna from heaven
"A beautiful home, in the neighborhood I wanted, within walking distance of the library, grocery store and Starbucks!"
manna from heaven
The list continued and continued until I was in tears of gratitude to El Roi- the God who sees me. He asked me to be specific because He has been specific in providing for me.
"Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise His holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not His benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
(Psalm 103:1-5)
"Forget not His benefits." Recognize them, celebrate them, dance with joy about them. I want to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving so that His praise is ever ready on my tongue, because He has been so good to me. Not like I expected, not like I had planned, but He is bringing me back to my feet and surrounding me with exactly what I need. And for that, I am very grateful.
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