Admittedly, yesterday was not my best day. The movers arrived from Yakima and I had to have them leave all my belongings in the garage. We are only in this house another month so it would be silly to unpack...I just feel sad and unsettled and lost and lonely. These words do not fit with my inner optimist, but I told her to shut up yesterday and decided to just cry. :-) I don't like being "in between." And that is exactly where I am.
I did strap Annie to the front of me and played my piano in the garage with the sun shining on us and just enough breeze to make it pleasant. That was special, and something I would have never had the chance to do if we weren't "in between". A silver-lining moment. Today, we will go to one of the beautiful parks here and live this day. I want to be very clear- living also includes crying and questioning and grieving, along with the joy and laughter and play. Trusting God doesn't always look happy. That's not real! And we are nothing if not real! Human beings, created with emotions and feeling and free will...we can trust Him and still ask why! We can trust Him and still tell Him we hate the situation! He already knows, we may as well just be raw and honest on our knees before Him. He asks that we come and be in relationship with Him- true relationship with Him.
I know that good things are coming; it just doesn't feel like it. I'm not foolish enough to just live where the feelings are, but I have to acknowledge them. And that is what yesterday was about. I still want to go home, I still wish we knew where our next home will be, I still wish that our circumstances were different. It's been a hard week. Emotional. So be it...it's not going to be forever. And good things are coming. I know the character of my God, and I cling to what I know.
"Don't, enemy, crow over me.
I'm down, but I'm not out.
I'm sitting in the dark right now, but God is my light....it's not forever.
He's on my side and is going to get me out of this.
He'll turn on the lights and show me His ways. I'll see the whole picture and how right He is...
Oh, that will be a day!
A day for rebuilding your city,
a day for stretching your arms, spreading your wings!"
(Micah 7:8-9, 11)
Well you are coloring this world with grace my friend...and the fingerprints look like our Jesus! Thank you for speaking truth that is surrounded with His light! I love you and the Jesus you shine so brightly. May you know that you are covered in prayer...and I am praying in agreement, trusting and knowing great things are coming!
ReplyDeleteKristi, please know that for all of us, no matter what age, those of us who must go and those of us who must stay....we are all in the same place. You speak for us all. You encourage us all. You bless and inspire us all. My prayer for you is that He will comfort your heart and bring the better days quickly. I pray that He will send someone your way who will help make this strange land feel more familiar....more like home. I pray that He will increase the laughter as the tears decrease. I know you and your precious family are in the palm of His hand and, more importantly, I know that you know you are in that protected place. Rest there... Your life is going to be wonderful!
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